7 Small, Easy Changes To Improve Your Productivity

Sunday 14^th May 2017 heralds the start of Work Wise Week 2017, the aim of which is to promote different ways of working and smarter working practices for employers, employees and the self-employed. 

Flexible, remote, mobile and agile are all terms you may have already seen used to describe changing the way we work but, essentially, it is about individuals figuring out what they need in order to do their best work and employers figuring out what they can do to make those things happen for as many of their employees as possible. 

When you own a business or you’re self-employed however, the principles you hear about flexible working and work-life balance can seem like a distant dream.  Many people start their own business with the draw of being their own boss, setting their own course and creating a working life that seamlessly allows times for all the fun stuff too.  However, managing multiple demanding clients and doing everything yourself usually means you’re working every available hour.

The idea of changing something just feels like another thing to add to the burgeoning to-do list.

If all that sounds familiar, you are not alone.  Here are my 7 small changes that could make a big difference to your working week.

1. What 5 things make your day a good day?
   It’s a simple question and everyone’s answer is likely to be slightly different. Some will have “a quick commute”, “getting outside on my lunch break”, “not being interrupted”.  Some will have “ticking off my to-do list”, “starting something new”, “going out after work.”  Some are in your control, some less so but knowing what they are can help you design your working day to include at least some of them!  For example even a short walk outside can make you more productive, improve your attention span and your mood!
    
2. STOP Multitasking!
   Doing more than one thing at a time might seem really useful but we actually reduce our productivity by up to 40%. By giving all your attention to one thing you will get through it more quickly and more effectively.  The same is true for people either face to face or over the phone.  We all know how frustrating it is when the person we’re talking to isn’t listening properly. So stop. Listen. Pay attention. No phones or laptops in meetings.
   You can set shorter meeting times and spend less time on tasks.  Try it. It works.
    
3. Say No….but.
   As an employee or a small business, it may feel like you can’t ever say no but you can.  The key is to offer an alternative.  “I can’t get it to you today but I can get it to you by 2pm tomorrow. How does that work for you?”
   You have the best sight of your priorities, workload and how you work best.  If you’re an early bird then working through the night to hit a last minute demand is likely to wipe you out and deliver a sub-standard product.  Better to propose a reasonable alternative that means the client gets what they want and it’s up to your high standards.
    
4. Get Help
   Sometime you can be so busy doing everything you can’t imagine taking the time to bring someone else in.  At times like that it can be helpful to think of what only you can do. I am able to everything in my business but every hour you spend on back office tasks is an hour you could be delivering for a client (and making money!).  Whether it’s using accountingsoftware like Quickbooks to make everything add up or employing a bookkeeper or accountant to do it all for you, help is there.  Make use of it.
    
5. Eat the frog!
   When things are busy, it is easy to put off the things we don’t want to do.  The problem is, they don’t go away, they just lurk there and cast a shadow over everything else.  The phrase “eat the frog” works on the principle that, if you have to eat a live frog, it doesn’t pay to sit and look at it for too long!
   Break it down.  What is the smallest thing you could on this task? Do it first thing in the morning and then the rest of the day will seem easy in comparison.
   And the best bit? The task is rarely as bad or as difficult as we fear it will be!
    
6. Prepare for tomorrow today
   Whenever you end your day, take 5 minutes to look ahead to tomorrow.  Just 5 minutes.  Think about it, run it through, think about how you’d like it to be.  How will you integrate some of your 5 things (question 1) in to the day?
   This mental preparation will mean that as soon as you get up, you’ll feel more prepared and ready to take things on.
    
7. Recognise daily successes – every day!
   It’s easy to be so busy we forget how much progress we are making every day.  Take 5  minutes at the end of every day (once you’ve finished step 6 above) and summarise your highlights.  Size doesn’t matter!  Whether it’s landing a huge deal or taking a walk outside, developing the habit of acknowledging successes every day will help you overcome those tough times and remind you why you do what you do!

Stephanie works with intelligent individuals and teams on leadership, personal impact, choice and change. Find out more at www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Holidays - Are They Worth The Hassle?

Everyone looks forward to taking a holiday, right?  We yearn for the days to go more quickly, to fast-forward to the point where we are on that beach or holding a cold beer or frolicking in the pool.
We promise ourselves we will use the time wisely; keep up with regular exercise, capture all the creative ideas we'll have, take stock and re-charge.

From dreaming to dreading

This blissful, mental-escapism probably lasts until about a week before your departure.  At this point, the word "holiday" may well set your heart racing for all the wrong reasons.
The must-do-before-leaving list is not getting any shorter.  Your diary is already full for the week you return.  The complexity of handing over multiple projects to multiple people makes you wonder whether it would be easier to can the holiday and just get on with it yourself.
In fact, a study of 96 employees in the Netherlands, mentioned in an article by the British Psychological Society, found that indicators of health and welling actually worsened in the week immediately before taking annual leave.  Other studies noted that physical illnesses increased in the first week away from work due, they surmised, to the impact on the immune system caused by a sudden shift from a high-stress environment to a low-stress environment.
And most of us are familiar with the feeling (usually by day 2 of returning) as though we've never been away.  I've even heard people question the value of taking time off work at all!
Logically and intuitively, we know this isn't how it's supposed to be but when we're in the middle of it all, it can be hard to see a workable alternative.  So what can we do to make the holiday reality feel closer to the holiday dream?

Preparing to leave:

Remember, no one is irreplaceable at work. 

If you think things will grind to a halt while you're away, you may represent a single point of failure.  Without being too maudlin, what would happen if you didn't turn up at work tomorrow....or ever again?
While it can feel good to feel needed, if you are so essential you can never take a break, it can have the opposite effect on your well-being.
What are the things that only you can do?  You want that list to be short and specific to your skills and experience - and even these items can be shared or delegated for certain periods. Don't confuse being needed with adding value.  After all, leadership is what happens when you're not there!

Take more (smaller) holidays

Building up to one, big break can feel overwhelming.  Consider taking a few long weekends or a couple of mid-week days off during the year.  These shorter absences are good ways of training yourself to step away from work.  Major things are unlikely to go wrong while you're away for such a short time and you can build on what went well, and what didn't, ready for your next break.

Run, jump or walk away on your last day in the office

My last day before holiday was always a long one.  Leaving work late in the evening often meant I was still mentally processing well in to the night or even the next day.  Exercise, whether the gym, a class or a walk, counteracts stress so you can mentally and physically leave work behind.

During:

Set your own rules and stick to them

Some people turn everything off and forget about work.  For others, not knowing what may be happening or what they may be coming back to is a source of stress in itself.
Think about what would work for you.  If you'd prefer to keep on top of your Inbox or make a couple of calls, talk to the people you're holidaying with.  Agree on a plan that suits you all.
Personally, checking my emails for a maximum of 15 minutes, twice a week is sufficient for me to know what's there and to deal with it if required.  This leaves me free to enjoy every last bit of my time away.

Make it last 

Apparently we are most likely to remember the best, worst and last moments of an experience.  Often our last days away involve mundane tasks so think about what you can also do to create a positive lasting memory.

Coming back:

Break yourself in gently

Avoid Mondays!  Starting back on a Wednesday (or Thursday or Friday) gives you time to ramp back up with the weekend not far away.  This is particularly useful as returning from holiday creates work at home too (unpacking, washing, food shopping etc.) which can feel like a double whammy downer!

Bring more holiday to every day

Did you sit in one place for days on end while you were away?  Even if you spent a lot of time on a sun-lounger, the chances are you also moved a bit, even it was just from pool to bar to restaurant.  So why is it that so many of us find ourselves "stuck" at our desk or in back-to-back meetings within hours of returning to work?  This is not how we thrive.
While it may not be practical to take a daily siesta, moving regularly and getting fresh air, even if only for 10 minutes at a time, has a positive impact on our concentration, memory and stress levels.

Smoothing the transition

As I write, I am noticing that the main theme here is about the shift from work to holiday and back again - the transition.  We talk about switching on (at work) and switching off (not at work) as if it were as simple as completing or breaking a circuit, but it's not.  The more we can smooth these transitions, the better it will be for our mental and physical well-being and, I suspect, for our productivity.
But I'm not suggesting we maintain a laid-back "manana" throughout.  Colin Wilson, CEO of coaching and training organisation Business Athlete, highlights  the significance of transitions for elite athletes.  Watch top-seeded tennis players between points or a rugby team re-grouping during a match.  It's these mini "holidays" taken at key points that actually support their peak performance when it counts.
I wish you a lovely holiday whenever, wherever and however you choose to take it and may you return to work energised, refreshed and raring to go!
If this still feels like an impossible task, do get in touch.
Stephanie works with intelligent individuals and teams on leadership, personal impact, choice and change.
Find out more at www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Sorry? What are you really saying?

Several years ago I had cause to apologise to a Director in another part of the organisation. I had made an error. I can't actually remember what I had done (or not done) but it was a mistake and it was big enough that I do remember feeling slightly sick about it at the time.
I took my time to craft an email apology. Before sending, I asked my senior manager to review it. He looked at me incredulously.
"Too much?" I asked.
"Rather than sending this email," he replied, "why don't you just go over there and sacrifice your first born? It'll have about the same impact."
This exchange came to mind when I read Melody Wilding's Forbes article "Stop over-apologising at work" which suggested that saying sorry too often can damage your self-confidence and harm your career prospects.
It's an interesting thought. At the time, I wouldn't have described myself as insecure or requiring external validation but the email told a different story.
So, should I have ignored the mistake and said nothing? I have worked with people who truly believed an apology was a sign of weakness. Personally, I think being able to apologise well is a sign of strength.
But making a good apology is harder than it sounds.

Saying "Sorry" is not the same as apologising

"Say you're sorry!" is a well-worn phrase in many households with small children. Usually this instruction is followed by a shouted or muttered "So-reeeeeey!" which actually means the complete opposite.
And it's not much better in adulthood. We Brits are well known for our frequent verbalisation of "Sorry" to the point that it doesn't mean anything, it's just an instinctive response. At the other end of the scale, everyone has heard so-called apologies from politicians, sportsmen or wealthy business owners who don't actually apologise at all.
An apology allows us to be vulnerable. It says "I got it wrong", "I have more to learn", "I want to do better". A genuine apology is powerful.

Say what you mean

In my original apology email, I wanted the Director to know that I had integrity (I owned my mistakes), that I was competent (I understood the error and would correct it) and that I had courage (I was emailing a senior person to 'fess up). However, I had made (at least) two BIG mistakes.

1. I had allowed emotion to interfere with my communication
2. I had forgotten the recipient was a human being

Emotion gets in the way of clear communication. I am an emotional person. I do not subscribe to the view that there is no place for feelings at work; however I know that it is important not to let emotion obscure your message.
In addition, I hadn't thought about the impact on person reading the email. Everyone's inboxes are congested and time is precious so it makes sense to consider how the words may be received and what opinion might be formed as a result.
My first draft, rather than apologising for my error and committing to resolve the issue, was the email equivalent of sobbing incoherently at his feet. Neither useful nor comfortable for either of us.

So what?

The process of re-drafting and sending that email was exceptionally useful. It made me think about my message, my tone and what I wanted him to know/think/do by reading it. It helped me become aware of the language I was using every day and whether it aligned or conflicted with my values and sense of professional worth.
I realise now that genuine apologies come from understanding our values and the values of others. Acknowledging when we have not acted in accordance with our own values or have not respected someone else's values is the beginning of an authentic apology.
That's not to say I am an expert apologiser. I continue to make mistakes, am clumsy with words or, I accept, may appear disingenuous at times. I am learning, as we all are. I will fail at times and that's OK (just about) and I give you permission to call me out if my words don't ring true.

What next?

If you think you over-apologise at work, answering these questions may help;

1. How often do you use the word "Sorry" (either over email, text or in person) during the day?
2. When you say "Sorry", what do you really mean? What proportion of times do you actually intend to apologise for something?
3. Of those times when you do intend to apologise, what, specifically, are you apologising for?
4. When you apologise, what is your intention for the other person (i.e. what do you want them to think, know, do as a result)?
5. What is the most sincere apology you have ever received at work? What made it so effective?

And if you've got any tips you'd like to share about authentic apologies, do get in touch!
Stephanie works with intelligent individuals and teams on leadership, personal impact, choice and change. Find out more at www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Is being selfish the secret to happiness?

It's 6.30am and I'm kissing my half-asleep son goodbye before I leave to catch the train.
"Ditcher!" he mutters, sleepily.
This is a word used frequently in our household by my 10 year old.  It has become his stock response to any situation where someone other than me will be looking after him outside school hours i.e. he's being "ditched", hence I am a "Ditcher".
The word is usually accompanied by a cheeky grin and I am comforted by the humour in those exchanges but, that day, I left home with a feeling of discomfort that lingered for a couple of days.
The discomfort was, I realised, because I was putting myself first. 
My (tangled) thought process went something like this:

• That piece of work sounds amazing! I want to do it!
• Q: But what about the impact on others? 
• I want to do it! I can do things to reduce the impact on others! 
• Q: But what about the impact on others?
• They'll be alright!  I want to do it.  I'll do it anyway!
• Q:  But what about the impact on others?
• I am a selfish, horrible person and a bad mother.....

And even though I've been here before and I know this is not the truth, it still felt rubbish.
This situation isn't specific to working parents either.  A passing comment from a friend, an instinctive reaction from your spouse, even sarcasm from an unpleasant colleague can have us questioning ourselves.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of reflection.  But what happens when we give others opinions, feelings or requests far more weight than our own?  And what about when we discount an option without even discussing it because we are concerned about someone else's reaction? 
I'm not suggesting you ignore the impacts on or opinions of those around you. Asking, listening, talking and exploring options with people who matter to you can be a powerful part of the decision making process.  The secret is using that information (rather than guesswork or presumption) alongside your own area of expertise - you.
You know what brings out your best.  You know what fulfills you, what drives you and what gives you goosebumps.  You know what is most important to you and what you want and need around you to be successful (whatever your definition of success).
When we are doing things we enjoy, with people we enjoy, we feel good.  When we feel good, we are nicer to be around.  When we are nicer to be around, our relationships with others improve.  There's a positive ripple effect which benefits us and those around us.  
I know I am a better person when I am fulfilled.  I am a better coach, a better friend and a better mother.  It can feel like a delicate balance at times and one I will certainly get wrong on occasion.  But only I can decide where the balance lies.
So whether it's investing in that course, going to the gym before you go home, exploring a new career path or choosing exciting work rather than the school run, if it makes a positive difference to you, it will also make a positive difference to those you care about.
I'm going to be a "Ditcher" again shortly and I'm fine with that.

The Value of Failure

I was in a room of about 30 people, all sitting in a huge, unwieldy circle. The course leaders were setting out how we were going to work together over the days ahead.
"Be open and honest." Check. "The more you put in, the more you get out." Check. "This is a safe space. We will all hold confidentiality." Check. So far, so normal.
Then: "Give yourself permission to fail. You learn more when you try something and fail than when you get everything spot on." WHAT??
I didn't DO failure. I was a high performer; always had been. In reality, this meant I only did things I knew I was good at. At the first whiff of challenge or self-doubt, I'd lose interest and turn my sights on something else. (Translation; I got scared of failing and quit!)
The concept that failure was not only going to be accepted but actively encouraged was both exciting and terrifying.

The inevitability of failure

Generally, we don't set out to fail at things. We set goals by imagining success. We motivate ourselves and others by focusing on positives to actively balance out the fears and doubts which hold us back. This is how we find the courage to make decisions and take on new challenges.
However, at some point, on some level, things will not work out exactly the way we had in mind. I’m not talking about BIG, life-changing failure. I’m talking about the choices that didn’t bring us the results we wanted, the projects that fell short, situations that make us squirm when we think about them.
The ability to accept and learn from both success and failure is a fundamental element of resilience; failing, feeling upset or frustrated and knowing that, in a day or so, you'll be able to reflect on what happened and ask “So, what's next?”

Designing success to include failure

In that room of around 30 people, we were asked to consciously put aside our desire to be "right". It wasn't easy. I let others take the lead. I watched their reactions as they tried something and failed. I held my breath, imagining how mortified I'd feel if I were them.
Then I realised the sky hadn't fallen in, no one was laughing at them, no one was squirming in embarrassment. In fact, we were cheering them on, celebrating their failure. Far from thinking they looked or were stupid (one of my own biggest fears associated with failure) I thought they were brave. They knew that the only thing that mattered, at that moment, was having a go and seeing what happened. They were the smart ones. By failing, they were actually succeeding.
Eventually, I joined them. Scary at first, the more I accepted failure was a potential outcome, the easier it was to enjoy it when it happened. Yes, there were times when failure was actually enjoyable!
I still struggle with failure. It's not something I specifically aim for but it doesn't hold the same fear for me as it once did. I know that it is more important to try something, learn from it and move on than to do the same old thing and stay stuck. I accept (just about) that, for me to be successful, failure will also be inevitable.
And when I fail, I remember what Richard Branson said "You don't learn to walk by following rules, you learn by doing and by falling over."
Stephanie works with intelligent individuals and teams on leadership, personal impact, choice and change. Find out more at: www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Why looking for your life purpose may not give you the answer you're looking for!

If you're of a certain age, you'll probably know the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything.*

42.

The people who had waited 7.5 million years for the super computer to work this out weren't too impressed either. 

"I want to find my life-purpose!"

According to countless articles, identifying your life-purpose is as close as we can get to answering the "ultimate question" in the absence of our own super computer. Knowing your life-purpose can bring you happiness, energy, fulfillment and success. If you are feeling increasingly disconnected from what you do in your daily life and are wondering whether there is something more or different available to you, the question of life-purpose may well rear its head. 

"10 questions to find my life purpose? Perfect! Question 1......"

And so begins the quest to find the "thing" we are missing. The "thing" that our life-purpose will point us towards. The "thing" we are meant to do, to create, to build, to change. This "thing" will make us fulfilled. When you find it, happiness, meaning and success will follow.

But as we answer the 10 or 15 or 7 questions that will "reveal" our life-purpose, all we see is a jumble of words, memories and wishes. The light-bulb moment isn't forthcoming. 

"What's gone wrong? Didn't I answer them properly?"

Now an element of panic sets in. If we don't find the "thing" now, we'll miss our chance and be destined to be unfulfilled forever!

Stop.

Take a breath. Relax.

If you're struggling with your life-purpose, here are four important points to consider:
Life-purpose does not have to be one "thing".

Wouldn't it be easier if we could identify one neat purpose for our lives? Bear Grylls' might be "always an adventure", Jamie Oliver's might be "food passion and education". But if you can't see the particular "thing", don't lose hope.

We are conditioned to categorise and label things according to what we already know. And yet human beings are multi-dimensional and complex. We have a wide range of passions, motivations, interests and experiences. Rather than looking for a specific subject, job or answer straight away, stay curious and open-minded. Allow tangents and randomness. 

There is no expiry date. 

Ok, I suppose death is a natural expiry date. That aside, the only time pressure comes from you. Rather than thinking about what's missing and how you want thing to be different in the future, acknowledge what matters to you now and relish it.

Mindfulness, gratitude, living in the present, enjoying the journey, - whatever you use or call it, being more conscious of ourselves and our mindset helps us recognise our impact and choices. You can do this every day, starting now.
Accept you ARE unique.

You are the only version of you that has ever existed. The word unique can sit uncomfortably with some people but we are, unquestionably, unique. Even genetically identical twins have different thoughts, feelings and experiences from birth. (Don't believe me? Ask identical twins about whether birth order matters!)

Focus on what makes a difference to you and the difference you make. This is not a time for hiding your light for fear of being "big-headed" or "too big for your boots". Acknowledge and respect who you are. 

Trust yourself to be you.

You are naturally creative. You are resourceful. You are not deficient or lacking or broken. Trust your instinct. Trust your knowledge and experience. Trust your emotions. Imagine you are your own closest friend and listen to yourself without judgement. 

"So what now?"

Maybe finding your life-purpose will involve changing careers or locations or the people you are with. This can feel quite overwhelming, hence people seek a clear "thing" to guide them and make them feel this kind of change will be worth the risk.

But what if finding meaning in your life means making conscious choices about how you spend your time, taking charge of how you respond to aggravations, or changing how you think about and treat yourself. Those steps are absolutely within your grasp right now. Who knows, those kind of small changes may even help you find your life-purpose after all.

*from the brilliant Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

The Things "...." People Do Everyday

We've all seen the articles.  "15 small things successful people do everyday" "The 6 things the most productive people do everyday" "5 things happy people do everyday"

I enjoy them.  I don't always agree with them but they are quick to read and digest.  Many sound like common sense, describing actions or behaviours that we know, intellectually and instinctively, would make a positive difference to how we live our lives.  So how come we're not all doing them and being successful, productive and happy all the time?

In the opening sections of executive coach Marshall Goldsmith's book "Triggers", he acknowledges that some readers complain "I didn't read anything here that I don't already know".  His response? "True, but I bet you read plenty here that you don't already do." 

There is a BIG difference between what we know we should do or even what we want to do and what we actually do.  It's the end of January so I'm sure I don't need to mention the statistics on broken New Years Resolutions to prove this point!

Let's look past the strategies, mindsets and activities for a moment.  The common theme with these articles and, as it happens, a key element of Goldsmith's book, is the frequency; everyday.

Every day. Not just today and tomorrow or this month. Not twice a week. Every single day, including weekends!

I have quite a strong reaction to the thought of doing something every day.  It feels like a combination of restriction and monotony. It feels like it would be a chore. 

I enjoy variety and value autonomy.  Doing something every day, is so far removed from my normal way of operating (or so I tell myself), it would only be imposed on me by someone else.  My mental rebellion begins and I intellectualise all the reasons daily actions can't/won't work for me.

On reflection, there are plenty of things I do every day that don't feel like a chore.  From social niceties such as washing, cleaning my teeth and getting dressed, through to those I have consciously chosen like sending my children off to school with the words "Have a fun/wonderful day!"

I am physically and emotionally capable of doing something every day so I can't use that as an excuse.  None of these things feel restrictive or monotonous because they are natural.  They are just what I do, how I behave and who I am.  Making a successful change, therefore, means doing something different or new until it feels natural.

This is where size matters.  We tend to think that change has to be BIG to make a big difference.  We are looking for the "light bulb" moment or the life-changing decision. As exciting as this may sound, it can also feel overwhelming and scary.

In my experience big, positive differences often come from small, subtle changes. The articles named above and Goldsmith's book seem to agree. Things like how we treat ourselves, how we make decisions and how we speak to people all make a huge difference.  And changes in these areas are pretty easy to integrate in to our lives every day until they become part of who we are.

So if you want to make a positive change in your life this year, try the articles above, read Goldsmith's book or connect with me and consider what you will do every day to make a difference.

Stephanie works with intelligent individuals and teams on leadership, personal impact, choice and change. Find out more at www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Time to stop blaming your bad boss?

Recently I ran a workshop with a team experiencing quite serious internal difficulties.  As individuals, they were loyal, hardworking, experienced and professional but their behaviour as a team was now damaging both their performance and their wellbeing.

The cause of the team's problems was clear.  Their boss.  Tales were told and re-told to illustrate their boss's shortcomings.  Most issues could be resolved, they said, by the boss changing or leaving. 

Sounds simple doesn't it?

A light-bulb moment came half way through the day, when they were asked to describe their natural talents.  During this exercise, they realised how far away they felt from their talented selves.  The positivity, collaboration and many other wonderful traits they prided themselves on, were barely present.  In fact their behaviours, they noted, were almost the opposite.  They were part of the problem.

So what?

It had been fairly easy to blame the boss for all the team's problems.  Maybe the boss was at fault and maybe they weren't but that's only one part of the equation.  The aspect that everyone was conveniently overlooking was their own behaviour.  Every person in that team shared responsibility for the difficulties and failures they were experiencing. 

We are social beings.  Just as we are impacted by and react to the behaviours of others, others are impacted by and react to our own behaviours.  We can be quite quick to notice when we are affected by others but how often are we fully aware of our own behaviour and its impacts?

Looking back at the team, they were acutely aware of all the impacts of the boss's behaviour on them and their colleagues but their awareness of their own behaviour and its impact was only just beginning. 

They have lots of work to do to improve the team's performance and to recapture their love of their jobs but the work is on something they have full ownership of - themselves.  By noticing and understanding their reactions, they can choose how they behave and be aware of their own impact.

Most of us will have experienced a "bad boss" or two.  I have a few tales of my own which I replay more often than is helpful.  What I know now is that, however badly my boss behaved, I was (and am) entirely responsible for my reaction from that point.  I didn't always get it right but I know what I'd do differently next time which is a start!  

If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone and remember that while recounting tales of bad behaviour, getting angry or withdrawing may make you feel better for a while, you and only you, have a very powerful choice to make about what happens next.

Stephanie Smith works with intelligent individuals on personal impact, choice and change. Find out more about being perfectly imperfect and book a sample session at: www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk 

Secret Ingredient? It's Closer Than You Think!

Think of someone you really admire.  What is it about them that you find compelling?  What about someone in your profession who is incredibly successful?  What do they do that works so well?

Pinpointing what we admire in others often points to something we feel is important (a value) but also feel is currently "lacking" in ourselves.  

It's a bit like being served a wonderful chocolate cake and then trying to recreate it at home.  Although you make a good cake, you judge it to be not quite as "good" as real thing.  Perhaps they used a secret ingredient?  How much do we focus on what's missing rather than savouring the cake we have made? 

Don't get me wrong, I think comparisons can be really useful.  It's a way of exploring our values and shifting our perspective.  But sometimes comparing yourself with others is just another way of beating yourself up.

The truth is, there is no secret ingredient.  You have everything you need right now to be successful.  

So what's the point of personal development then?  It's all about mindset.  It's not about fixing something or removing a deficiency, it's about expanding your range.  I like the analogy of a muscle.  We have many muscles but tend to rely on the same group of muscles most of the time.  When we exercise and stretch a new muscle, it can feel a little uncomfortable but, if we continue exercising, we feel stronger and will, literally, stretch further.  We haven't created anything new, we've just used what we have to greater effect.

If you find that you regularly compare yourself unfavourably with others, ask yourself these questions:

1. What, specifically, do I admire about this person?
2. Using the answer from the question above, how much do I recognise that quality in myself? Choose a score between 1 and 10 (1 = virtually absent, 10 = abundant) 
3. What's the best bit about being that score? 
4. What does a higher score look like (move up 2 points)?
5. What does a 10 look like?
6. What can I do today to exercise this "muscle"?

Stephanie Smith works with intelligent individuals on personal impact, choice and change. Find out more and book a sample session at: www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Ready for a Change? Size Doesn't Matter!

I love reading articles that summarise the habits of successful people or common traits of great leaders. Why? Because they remind us that being successful isn't about having magical powers or super-human abilities. For the most part, the commonalities are things we recognise and can relate to.

Who we are

How we think; how we behave; what we're passionate about; how we view ourselves and others. These are all things we own completely. Yes, we can be influenced by others or by circumstances but we are not controlled by them.

A small change in your mindset can make a HUGE difference to how you see yourself, others and the opportunities around you.

What we do

Perhaps surprisingly, the top characteristics of successful people rarely include "securing the big deals" or "spotting the gap in the market". More often it's about simpler actions such as learning, planning, sharing, looking after yourself (mind and body), treating people with respect. These are not rocket science and we can all improve on them if we choose to.

Making a small change in just one of these areas can shift how you feel and have a positive impact on those around you.

Make a small change to make a big difference

Sounds easy so why do we make it so hard? First we have to decide we are worth it (yes, just like the advert). Even a small change requires both thought and action.

What is the difference you want to make? Are you willing to give something a try to make it happen? If the answer to the second question is "No" then what would it take to turn the answer to a yes?

Start small and see what happens, you may be pleasantly surprised!

If you'd like to know more about how to make a small (or big) change at work or at home, do get in touch.

If you're not sure about coaching, what it is or how it works, I am running some workshops with my trusted colleague and friend, Sarah Leach, as an introduction to coaching.  Working with small groups (up to 6 people), across two half days, we take you through the theory and reality of coaching so you are better placed to make the change you want to make. 

We have dates in May and June.  Email me for more information.

Career Crossroads? Even a Prince has to make tough decisions!

I imagine that the last thing Prince Harry needs right now is more advice. Today, he announced that he had taken the “really tough decision” to leave the army after 10 years and, although he has some volunteer work lined up for a while, there is plenty of speculation about his next role. And, I suspect, plenty of people offering up opinions about what he could/should/must do.

It’s true that Harry’s circumstances probably differ from ours. (I suspect that financial security is not something he loses sleep over.) However, when he describes being “at a crossroads”, I’m sure many of us can empathise.

The “crossroads” metaphor however makes it sound quite simple; option 1 (turn left), option 2 (turn right) or option 3 (straight ahead). The reality is much more complex and, having made one big decision to leave his current employer, he now faces a series of questions, choices and decisions that could feel quite overwhelming for anyone, even a prince.

So, just in case you don’t have a host of trusted advisors queuing up to help you, here are some tips if you’re at a career crossroads right now:

1. Own your choices

This is your career and your life. Understand what is most important to you (your values) and what you want to create in your life, both personally and professionally.

Allow yourself to imagine what you would do if you knew you couldn't fail. This is not about being selfish, it is about getting really clear. From here, you can consider the impact on others.

2. Listen to your trusted advisors

We often find step 1 difficult because we pre-empt what others will think, say or do about the options we are considering.

Ask for advice, share your concerns and listen to their responses. It can help to choose people who are impacted (e.g. family) as well as those who aren’t (colleagues or friends) to get a range of views.

Remember, choose your advisors wisely. Just because someone has an opinion, does not necessarily mean that is it wanted or useful. Speak to people you care about and who care about you.

3. Imagine the worst (and the best!)

As important as it is to focus on positive outcomes, it is quite normal to ask yourself “what if” when facing a big decision. “What if I don’t like the company/job/people?” “What if my family doesn’t want to move?” “What if change my mind?”

These are all useful questions but we often stop at the questioning stage, because the answers are too difficult or scary. This can stop us making any decision at all.
Allow yourself to imagine the worst case scenario and take it to a logical conclusion. Consider what you’d be willing to change/sacrifice to mitigate those risks. You always have a choice.

4. Take action

Standing at a crossroads soon becomes pretty boring. It doesn’t matter whether you take a small step or a giant leap, as long as you make your choice and take action; even if that action is to stay where you are.

Interestingly, no matter how enormous the decision seems today, from this side, it rarely feels as big from the other side.

5. Return to 1.

Let's be honest, you've probably already faced a few big decisions already and there will be more to come. The good news is that it does get easier with practice. Try these steps for other choices you are faced with and see what difference it makes!

Stephanie Smith works with intelligent individuals on personal impact, choice and change. Find out more and book a sample session at: www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk

Not sure about coaching? Try a small group workshop to learn about key coaching tools and techniques and experience the power of coaching in a safe, confidential and fun environment. Book Here

Mike the Boilerman's lessons in loving your work

I had the pleasure of meeting "Mike the Boilerman" a few weeks ago.  Mike, as the name suggests, fixes boilers.  There is, however, one key point that set Mike apart from the fleet of other similar engineers:

He loves his work.

I love my work too but when I initially meet my clients, they can struggle with the concept of "having a fulfilling career" (by which I mean loving your work more often than not enjoying it).  It's all very well in principle, it seems, but turning it in to reality can feel a bit far fetched.   

So what is his secret?

Know what you're good at

Mike was clear from an early age that he had an interest in and talent for fixing things.  He decided that, rather than fix lots of different things, he would specialise.  His quality of work meant that he quickly gained a reputation for being the "go to" person for boiler repairs.

So what?

What is your specialism?  What are you the "go to" person for?  This can be a practical skill or knowledge set but can also be expertise in bringing people together, high quality work or pragmatism.
What you know what you're good at - and are not shy about acknowledging this strength, others will see it more clearly too.

Set expectations

There is no "under promise and over deliver".  He's not out to make a quick buck.  He is clear about how he works and how he charges from the outset.  He doesn't do boiler installations or bathrooms.  He does boiler repairs.  That is all.

He found that, by setting expectations early, people could make more informed decisions and that made for a better working environment for both parties.

So what?

What are you prepared to say yes and no to?  How well do you set expectations; either personally or for your teams?

Make it easy

We are so good at making things way more complicated than they need to be.  In my experience, is it usually because we are concerned about what others may think, say or do as a result.

Mike realised that issuing invoices and chasing payment was taking up way too much of his time.  
His solution was to take payment either in advance or on site.  Would people resist?  Some did but, as he said, those that are resistant are usually the ones who would require chasing under the old process so they are no loss.

So what?

What if it really was that easy? What are you telling yourself about the consequences and what facts do you have that this is the case?

What next?

Mike and I are not the only ones who love our work.  I am meeting more and more individuals now who have found a fulfilling role which they enjoy.  Whether in a large organisation, a start up or your own business, there is something out there that will light your fire.  
Get in touch if you'd like to see how I can help you find work you love.
And if you still don't believe it exists, just ask Mike.