How Often are you THAT guy?

Yesterday, I was sitting by the window of a cafe, enjoying a cup of tea and people-watching.  It was beautifully sunny autumn day in central London and there was a gentle but steady flow of people heading to offices or meetings or nearby tourist sights. 

At one point I noticed a man approaching the cafe. The pavement was spacious but the natural movement of pedestrians meant that four people were just behind him; each one following the other but with their own thoughts and purpose.  Right in front of the cafe, the man stopped without warning. He checked something on his shoe. He took a step forward and stopped again, wiped his shoe a couple of times on the paving slab and then continued on his way, satisfied that he had resolved his problem.  

The four strangers behind him were slower to recover.  Their faces suggested frustration, irritation, confusion and surprise.  They took longer to get back in to their stride.  I imagine they were each having an internal grumble as they continued their journey.  Perhaps they even shared the story with the person they were meeting.  Yet the cause of this disquiet, the man in front, was blissfully oblivious.

We can probably all remember times when we've felt like that.  When we have been impacted by someone's actions or words in a way they either hadn't anticipated or were blind to.  A manager, a leader, a colleague, a partner, a friend? But, let's be honest, how often have we also been THAT guy - the one who stopped without thinking about those around him? 

I'm sure he was not a "bad person", he was just not self-aware in that moment.  

The remainder of my day was spent with a group of new managers discussing personal and company values.  Self-awareness was our starting point.  It's a fast-moving, ambitious company and for some it felt luxurious and indulgent to spend time on themselves but, as the man in the street so perfectly demonstrated, if you don't have self-awareness, you could create problems (get in the way, slow people down) without even realising it.

So, today, make a point of noticing how you feel at various points during the working day and how your feelings drive your behaviour. Notice the reactions of others, whether in person, over the phone or on email.  Reconnect with (or discover) your personal values.  

Self-awareness is not about second-guessing ourselves or diluting our personalities, it's about knowing how our imperfections work for and against us and being OK with both.  Make self-awareness your goal for the week and see what a difference it makes to you and those around you.

If you want to know more about self-awareness and leadership and how coaching can help, feel free to contact me through LinkedIn or visit my website. 

Stephanie works with intelligent individuals and teams on leadership, personal impact, choice and change. Find out more at  www.stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk 

Out of The Frying Pan.....How to Choose Your Next Job

Malky Mackay and owner of Cardiff City, Vincent Tan

There has been lots of speculation about who will take over as manager at Cardiff City since Malky Mackay was sacked a couple of days ago.  I wouldn't usually use football as a reference point when thinking about career choices but sometimes wisdom comes from surprising sources.  When questioned about whether Ole Gunnar Solskjaer would take the job, one pundit remarked that he'd been advised to "Think about which chairman you want to join rather than which club."

On a similar note, Matt Frost, a 30 year old from Cornwall, found that "If you have the same interests as your colleagues, it makes a big difference."  Matt spent 2013 trying a different job each week for 52 weeks (see www.oneweekjob.com,) and he noticed that, even though some of the jobs were similar, the people you had around you made the biggest difference to whether or not you enjoyed it.

Does this mean that we should only look for jobs where we like the people we work for or with?  Not necessarily but we often overlook the people factor when we consider changing what we do.  It is tempting to only look at quantitative factors such as salary, bonus, title (status), team size etc. as they are easy to compare even though it is usually the people around us that have the biggest impact on our fulfillment.

Fluffy stuff?

Even if you don't think of yourself as a "people person", having the right people around you is still important. This is not about finding people you'd want to socialize with, it is about the role of others in your success.

What do you love most about the work that you do? Who would you want around you so that you could focus on that, rather than be distracted by what you don't enjoy? 

Consider your greatest strengths.  What kind of leader would recognise these strengths and value them in their organisation?

Making decisions

Deciding to leave can be easy.  Deciding where to go can be more difficult. By aligning your decision-making criteria to your values you can compare things that really matter to you and your happiness.

Here's a starting point:

• List what you want more of and want less of in your next job. Consider which of these are because of or impacted by the people around you. 
• Consider what you would do if money/time was not a concern. Does this include others in some way? If so, who and why?
• Think about who inspires you and why.
• Write down the people who have made the biggest impact on your career and what that impact was.

To talk more about making a change in your career, get in touch: steph@stephaniesmithcoaching.co.uk